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Maynard Soloman Proves Santa Claus is Real isn't just a short story of crime humor featuring the world's crustiest detective. It's the only e-book that uses nothing but logic, common sense and alcohol to prove the existence of Santa Claus beyond the shadow of doubt.

Yep. You can put this e-book on trial. It's that bulletproof.

Here's the official description of this ground-breaking, earth-shattering, eye-opening, bed-wetting book of revelations.

* Nominated for Best Short Story of 2011 by Preditors & Editors Readers Poll.

Fans of short, funny detective stories, meet Maynard Soloman. Some say he's crusty, profane and clueless. If you ask him, he solves the world's problems one case at a time.

In this short story, the Ol' Badger needs a Christmas miracle. Bill collectors want to repossess his beloved RV. To stay a step ahead, Maynard will have to prove Santa Claus is real. Or just drunk.

BONUS: Includes the holiday favorite, "Maynard's Guide to Milk and Cookies."

Get this fine work of literary e-book excellence at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Kobo, Sony, iTunes, Smashwords and Diesel.

Free on Amazon for the Kindle Nov. 13-14: Maynard Soloman & the Bull$hit Cancer Awareness Campaign. Here's the description:

Has cancer awareness "jumped the shark?" Have some cancer charities lost sight of their purpose?

Maynard Soloman, the world's crustiest detective, gets to the bottom of things in this short crime humor story. The cantankerous hero is hired to track down money missing from a cancer charity. What he finds could "blow the wig" off the entire organization.

This is the perfect read for anyone who has questioned the motives behind pinkwashed products.

BONUS: Includes "Maynard's Guide to Charitable Giving."

Click here to get it now and save 100%.

If you need more coaxing, here's a hot review from noted notable Laura Roberts:

Maynard Soloman, world's most crotchety detective, is back -- and this time he's getting the nookie he so desperately needs, from a broad who's desperate enough to bang a senior citizen in a rattrap Winnebago.

If that's not enough to scare the pants off you, he's gone pink. Or should I say mauve?

Yep, you heard it here first: Maynard Soloman is on the case of the Bull$hit Cancer Awareness Campaign, and he's not gonna stand for any rose-colored glasses or mauve "consciousness-raising" malarkey.

Hot on the trail of a pinkwashing campaign to fight synophrys cancer (that's cancer of the facial hair follicles, or a fight against the ever-vanishing unibrow), Maynard's got to follow the money straight to the source of an embezzlement scheme deep within the Frida Foundation.

Unfortunately, things aren't quite what they seem, and Maynard is (as usual) in over his head.

The 'Bago's also seen better days, but I'll try not to spoil that surprise.

If you've ever questioned the need for a glut of pink products that don't actually promote charitable donations for breast cancer research, this is the book for you. Maynard'll set you straight, complete with his bonus Guide to Charitable Giving.

HINT: If it doesn't involve giving charitably, it ain't charitable giving.

Two thumbs up for calling bull$hit on purveyors of pink balderdash, plus a spice rating of PG-13 for the opening homage to Breathe-Right nasal strips. Now there's a fetish you don't see every day!

Click here to download Maynard Soloman & the Bull$hit Cancer Awareness Campaign from Amazon to your Kindle.

What started as a short crime humor e-book is now making a real-world impact.

Last month, I published Maynard Soloman & the Bull$hit Cancer Awareness Campaign, the seventh installment in a series of satirical crime capers. That led to a guest blog post, which morphed into an article for an online newspaper about "pinkwashing." The article wound up being distributed to a pile of other online newspapers in Minnesota.

The article was critical of Mike's Hard Pink Lemonade, and attracted the attention of the Mike's corporate office. Imagine my surprise when a public relations representative got in touch with me this week.

Here's the skinny. Mike's may be reworking its marketing of Hard Pink Lemonade because of the article and my correspondence with its representative. We won't know for sure until this seasonal product is released again next year. But the response from Mike's was encouraging.

Now for the long version.

The Mike's Hard Pink Lemonade packaging sports pink ribbons associated with breast cancer charities. The wording on the six-pack image above states that Mike's, "will be making a contribution to the Breast Cancer Research Foundation."

However, the packaging doesn't say if that means a portion of the purchase or a lump sum. The Web page Mike's set up for this product doesn't make it clear, either.

My beef with this is that consumers assume purchasing products with pink ribbons on them means a portion of the sale will be donated to charity. To me, the obscurity of donation information coupled with the marketing power of pink ribbons is suspicious. Could Mike's be exploited the charitable goodwill of consumers to drive sales?

The answer from Mike's is no. I won't copy/paste the rep's e-mail, since I don't play like that, but brought to my attention were these points:

* Mike's donates a lump sum of $250,000 annually to the Breast Cancer Research Foundation, for a total of $750,000 to date.

* The initiative was started after an employee, Jacqueline S., died from breast cancer.

* If I'd like to try some Mike's Hard Pink Lemonade, I could have a free sample shipment sent to me.

Here is my response in full:

Thank you for reaching out to me and clarifying the way Mike's Hard Lemonade makes donations to the Breast Cancer Research Foundation.

However, I remain critical of how difficult this information is to obtain. Donation specifics are not listed on the packaging of Mike's Hard Pink Lemonade or at the front-facing Web page for the product at http://www.mikeshard.com/pinklemonade. Why should it take communication with the public relations arm of Mike's Hard Lemonade in order to find donation specifics?

These specifics matter, because consumers have a certain perception about purchasing products with pink ribbons on them. They assume a portion of their purchase benefits a breast cancer-related charity. This perception is explicit in the consumer feedback Mike's itself lists at http://www.mikeshard.com/pinklemonade.

Here are some examples:

"Just wanted to let you know that I love the Pink Lemonade that is here for a limited time and also that part of the proceeds from the sales are going to breast cancer cure research." - Irene

"I love your mikes Hard pink lemonade and the fact that it helps support breast cancer is a plus!!" - Anna

"My wife and I love the fact that we are supporting breast cancer researce while getting our Mike's on." - Jeffrey

On the contrary, your message to me indicates zero percent of purchases benefit the BCRF. Mike's donated a lump sum, then put a pink ribbon on its product.

To me, this isn't being transparent or ethical. It's my hope that Mike's will re-evaluate the way it markets this product. Either be upfront about where purchases go, or be content internally that the unfortunate passing of an employee is memorialized every year with a donation.

As I stated in my article, I don't have a problem with companies donating to charity. It's good for non-profit and for-profit businesses alike. But I do expect transparency so consumers can make educated purchases.

I appreciate your offer to sample Mike's Hard Pink Lemonade, but I will have to pass.

Respectfully,

Benjamin Sobieck

Here's where it gets good. The Mike's rep seemed to take these comments seriously. In so many words, the rep replied that Mike's may make changes in the future about how it promotes its donations.

I count this as a win. Mike's got the message, and I get the impression it's going to do something about it. The rep appeared genuine in thanking me for bringing these issues up. 

This is the furthest I could've taken it with this company. I wouldn't expect the rep to make a solid commitment to an average Joe like me. Nor would I expect an alcohol manufacturer to recognize the cognitive dissonance required for it to get behind a health cause and pull its product. But I've been working in journalism enough to read between the PR lines. This made an impact.

We'll have to wait a bit to see, though. Mike's Hard Pink Lemonade is a seasonal product. Will Mike's be more upfront about its cause marketing? Time will tell.

I replied to the rep with this final thought:

There's a growing skepticism among consumers about "pink" products. I've been contacted privately by many individuals who feel this way. The more your company can be upfront about donations, the better response from consumers you'll likely see in the future.

Best regards,

Benjamin

In other words, "Consumers are wisening up and you're going to catch hell soon if you don't change." I'm no slash-and-burn, shut-'em-down kind of guy, though. I believe in the power of dollars. I gave Mike's a financial incentive to be more transparent. If it doesn't, consumers will. That's how it works.

And that's the story of how a fictional detective made a real-world impact. Coming to a liquor store near you.

If you'd like to show your support for this haphazard activism, pick up a copy of Maynard Soloman & the Bull$hit Cancer Awareness Campaign for the Kindle.

Full disclosure: One hundred percent of the proceeds benefit me. But hey, at least I'm being upfront about it, right?

Ravioli do not need pink stripes to be tasty. Shoes don't need to be pink to protect your feet. Fried chicken does not need to come in pink buckets to wreck your cholesterol. And you do not need to feel guilty about skipping "pinkwashed" products.

It's a sham.

I have nothing against helping out breast cancer causes. But what I do oppose is using the pink color associated with breast cancer to mislead consumers. So should you.

It starts when a company pays a lump sum to a breast cancer charity. That'd be fine if things stopped there. But they don't.

The company then "pinkwashes" its product. If it's ravioli, they become pink ravioli. If it's shoes, they become pink shoes. You get the drift.

When a consumer goes shopping for ravioli, there's a pink product standing out against competing items. The theory goes that the consumer is more likely to pick the pinkwashed product. There's a perception that doing so helps breast cancer charities.

However, in many cases, not a single cent of that purchase actually goes to charity. It's just a marketing trick.

If this sounds too cynical to be true, don't doubt me. There's a package of Pasta Prima pink-striped ravioli in my freezer right now (pictured at left). Although the product sports a pink ribbon, there's a disclaimer on the package: "Pasta Prima is donating $20,000, regardless of purchase, to The Breast Cancer Research Foundation." It doesn't matter if I bought one or 1,000 packages. It wouldn't affect the donation.

According to ThinkBeforeYouPink.org, the Dansko shoe company did the same thing with pink clogs to the tune of a $25,000 donation.

Taking a different approach, KFC's Buckets for the Cure in 2010 donated 50 cents of each purchase to Susan G. Komen for the Cure. It raised a total of $4,249,539. I can't find a source for how many buckets that works out to, but my calculator says 8,499,078.

That's roughly 8.5 million buckets. Of fried chicken. "For the cure."

How can you make sure you're not getting grifted? Read the rest in my guest blog post at I Meant to Read That.

Maynard Soloman & the Bull$hit Cancer Awareness Campaign

Has cancer awareness "jumped the shark?" Have some cancer charities lost sight of their purpose?

Maynard Soloman, the world's crustiest detective, gets to the bottom of things in this short crime humor story. The cantankerous hero is hired to track down money missing from a cancer charity. What he finds could "blow the wig" off the entire organization.

This is the perfect read for anyone who has questioned the motives behind pinkwashed products.

BONUS: Includes Maynard's Guide to Charitable Giving.

Click here to get Maynard Soloman & the Bull$hit Cancer Awareness Campaign for Kindle for 99 cents.

Watch for the crime humor short story, Maynard Soloman & the Bull$hit Cancer Awareness Campaign, to hit Kindles and the rest soon. I'd explain the concept of this seventh crime humor short story of the series, but I think the title gives the gist of it.

Note: That's not a pink awareness ribbon. It's mauve. OK? OK. Don't sue me.

The next Maynard story will open with this very line, in fact.

Ladies and gentlemen, the real Maynard Soloman has been found. Besides being the star of the Funny Detective Stories series, he's apparently an expert whittler. The how-to video below is complete with phrases like, "I don't like to sand anything," "I won't paint anything" and the obligatory story about "the war." Best quote, "If you're in a hurry, don't do this."

Crusty? Check. Vaguely endearing? Check. Flannel shirt? Check.

If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck and looks like a duck, it's a duck. World, meet the real Maynard Soloman.

I'm thrilled to announce the launch of the special crime fiction e-book bundle at Groupees.com. For $2, you can get your crime fix from 27 great crime authors, including me, Vincent Zandri, Fiona Johnson, Dana King, Laura Roberts and the roster of the damned from Black Heart Magazine.

Here's the catch. You have the option of paying more than $2 for your e-books. Why? Because there are extra e-books we'll release if the bundle hits certain goals. These are great extras you won't want to miss.

Also, the top buyer will receive a handmade, autographed print copy of Dana King's Wild Bill. How cool is that?

The next four top buyers will receive an autographed copy of Cleansing Eden: The Celebrity Murders, by me.

If that wasn't cool enough, 20% of all sales will be donated to the National Kidney Foundation. It's a cause close to home, since I received a kidney transplant in 2010.

Don't wait! The offer ends July 31. Click here to go Groupees.com and get your bundle.

Actually, let's not take the bus to a strip club. Instead, let's click here to check out a nice review of Maynard Soloman Takes the Bus to a Strip Club over at Detectives Beyond Borders. I especially enjoyed the discussion in the comments area.

This respected crime fiction review blog won a Spinetingler Magazine award for its work. If you're an indie crime writer, it's a big deal to get reviewed here.

And if you're not an indie crime writer, suggest an e-book to your favorite stripper.