|Posted on October 20, 2011 at 10:00 AM|
B.R. Stateham is a crime author and all-around good guy. Or so I thought. I read some of the works in his Call Me Smitty series. I wondered what kind of monster could come up with a killer that basically amounts to a human lawnmower blade. Smitty is a hit man. This is some dark, brutal stuff.
I figured the best thing I could do was try to get a confession out of him. I mean, just look at the guy. Doesn't that look like a ruthless killer to you? Here's how I almost made a citizen's arrest:
When you agreed to do this interview, you replied with, "Questions, ahoy! Send away, me matey!" Are you a pirate? Follow-up question, do you hate ninjas?
I do write pirate stories. In fact, I have a novel that has a pirate-detective as its main character. It's called, The Adventures of Geoffery Armitage Ffolkes Begin. And yes; I happen to like ninjas.
You've found an audience for your Smitty series. I can only imagine how depraved these people must be to want to read something so brutal. Do you get fan mail from prison?
No fan mail from prison. But a lonely house wife did write a note on my Facebook page. Said the Smitty stories made her day-dream a lot whimsically. Wonder what she meant by that?
Is there an overarching plot to each installment of the Smitty series or is it more episodic? Does Smitty know who shot J.R.?
Smitty is more episodic--although when I go and write a novella it may refer to something from out of his past found in a short story. As for as J.R. Ewing--he doesn't know who shot him. But for a price, and as long as your not squeamish, he could find out for you.
A recent Smitty collection is called "Three Deadly Sins." How many of them have you committed today? Got any plans for tomorrow? Murder, perhaps?
Usually every day I commit the sin of gluttony. And of course, being slothful. As for as writing about how to do someone in, that never stops.
What would Smitty think of the liberal political views you espouse on your facebook page? Would Smitty run as a liberal Democrat, something you've described about yourself? If not, would he consider a run for the GOP presidential nom? Shit, may as well, right?
Neutral when it comes to politics for Smitty. Money is the color green on both sides of the aisle. Now as for me . . . got a year or two to discuss politics? Maybe a decade?
Who is this "Eunice" person you keep threatening on your blog? Here's a quote from an Oct. 14 post: "Eunice, I said homicidal! Not matricidal! But keep it up, woman. Keep it up!"
Ah . . . Eunice! My smart-ass alter ego; female version. A mouthy broad who doesn't think any man measures up and constantly wants to prove it. Writing/reading blogs can become a chore sometimes for all of us. Putting a little humor in 'em smooths the banality out a bit, don't you think?
You and the ubiquitous-as-a-fart Paul D. Brazill are putting together a collection of international crime fiction. What's so appealing about murders in other countries? You certainly keep it local with all that talk about killing Eunice.
Ever read a Tony Hillerman novel? He wrote about two Navajo cops on the Navajo reservation. The Navajo look at murder--both culturally and spiritually--completely different than the Anglo-White culture does. This fascinates me. So I wondered if there are cultures out there who have their own unique ways of understanding murder. I'm betting there is.
You've expressed frustration in the past about not gaining traction with works when you thought you would. Have you ever considered offing Eunice in the hopes of increasing sales? I read that earlier this year John Wayne Gacy's art raised a lot of money for charity. That kind of thing.
Eunice is not the 'giving' type. Unless you consider giving someone hell is charitable.
Your blog, "In the Dark Mind of B.R. Stateham," describes you as having a "twisted and warped mind." Do you blame this all on Eunice?
No. I claim twisted and warped as my own. I need little help from others to trip over the deep end.
Level with me. You're going to kill Eunice, right? You can tell me. I'm a licensed attorney. (Disclaimer: License was never endorsed.)
Eunice can't be any safer than being in my hands (mind). She's the edge that gets the juices flowing creatively. I've always been fond of verbal sparring (as, no doubt, you've already seen on my Facebook page). Eunice in the blogs will pop up here and there on a regular basis. She's a good ole'girl; forgetting, of course, how she has a fondness for meat cleavers and dough rollers.
B.R., it's always a pleasure to talk with you. Let me know how my limited legal expertise can be tapped for your upcoming murder trail. Besides 20-25 years in a steel cube, what's next for you?
Just more of the same, buddy. More of the same. Lots of stories, characters, ideas floating around up there in my noggin'. They'll come out sooner or later.
There you have it, guilty as charged. Keep up with this vicious criminal on his blog.